It’s normal for our children to feel anxious about life events - from big upheavals, transitions to a new home or school, tests and peer pressure. Even the mundane everyday things can cause kids to experience anxious thoughts now and again. 

How can I tell if my child is anxious?

If your child is feeling anxiety,  they’re likely to be more restless or irritable than usual. Perhaps they are snapping at you, or they have trouble sleeping.  Even if they ARE getting a full night’s sleep, they may seem very tired or struggle to concentrate.

Feeling scared or worried can make young people act out.  This can look like attention-seeking, but may be their way of asking for reassurance or help.

As a parent, there are things you can do to help your child understand and manage their feelings. 

Be available to your child

As children grow, they don’t always feel like talking. As parents, we can sometimes panic and feel that silence means problems, but this is not necessarily the case. Respect that kids sometimes need time to sort out their own thoughts, in their own time. Letting them know that you are there if and when they need you can often be enough. 

Make time to listen 

Listen to them – their stories, their interests, their wonderings. Practice the habit of chatting about things - rather than the “how was your day?” “OK” conversation killer, be a bit more directed in your approach:  “Did anything make you laugh today?”  “Did any take you feel frustrated?” etc.  Let them share whatever they want. The more you do this, the more your child will feel safe talking when they’re upset. Also be prepared to listen to their righteous indignation, their frustration and anger, their yelling and door-slamming. 

It can be easy to get heated and angry at the loud expressions of discontent, especially if a lot of anger is directed at us, and we are made to feel at fault.

Please try to avoid taking it personally. Your child has had to be ‘on’ all day - paying attention, in some cases required to be still and quiet in a way that isn’t particularly helpful or child-friendly, unable to express their thoughts and feelings. If you, as a parent, can be their safe place where they can express everything without getting in trouble for it, it will mean the world to your child. 

Not allowing our own feelings to rise up is tough, no doubt. But you are the adult in this situation, and healthy self-expression SHOULD be within your abilities - otherwise our children won’t grow and learn authentic and beneficial emotional processes if we do not model them. 

Teach them how to manage their feelings

Show your child it’s OK to talk about feelings, and model what healthy emotions look like in your own life. Try talking about ways of releasing positive and upsetting emotions. For instance, jumping about when you’re excited, or listening to music when you’re worried.

Any activity that can help your child feel more in control with a sense of calm.  Practice these together, and remind your child to use them when they’re upset.

We can acknowledge that they are recovering their resources, repairing hurt feelings, and building their reserves so that they can go back to their peers, their school and situations outside the home, able to “fight another day”.

It’s easy to start exploring how we can fix the problem, overloading our child with advice and suggestions, however, if we just let them talk, having a place to offload everything and release all their thoughts and frustrations is often the way in which they can move on. 

You can help by letting your child know it’s OK to talk about their mental health.