Being able to communicate well makes all the difference between a healthy relationship and a dysfunctional one. When you feel connected on an emotional level with your partner, it produces feelings of security and overall well-being. If partners stop communicating well, then how they relate to one another suffers.

Times of stress can throw a roadblock into a relationship, and cause there to be a disconnect and fracture in your ability to connect. We become more insular, more “in our own heads” as we struggle to process our next steps.

How can we allow for times of struggle while still maintaining that good thread of communication with our loved ones?

It can be difficult to talk about what you need - there might be complex feelings around expressing our wants, especially due to previous experiences and how we were raised. For many of us, it’s easy to slip into a more passive state of mind, just getting the day-to-day done. We don’t spend the time to really think about what motivates us, where we want to be in life, and what we need in our relationships.
There are also feelings of shame, selfishness and vulnerability in talking about our needs. However, it’s good to remember that in healthy relationships, understanding each other and providing support is a pleasure and privilege.

We are creatures of habit. If you’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone, those habits become even more engrained, and alongside them, lots of assumptions. You may think your partner knows you so intimately that they just KNOW what is in your head as well. Nobody is omniscient - they don’t. They may be able to make a somewhat informed guess, but it is always better to clearly express yourself to remove all doubt. 

Through time, people change. We need to remember to check in with each other. What we seemed to want 10 years ago will not necessarily be the same today. We all make mistakes and misjudgments with each other, but unless we do the work of talking about them and expressing what we really need, we will continue a pattern of not listening, talking or taking stock.  This will only lead to resentment, isolation and wondering what happened to your relationship.