With all of it’s curve balls, life can bring up difficult emotions and coping mechanisms. It can be very difficult to come to a point of accepting situations. It feels contrary to logic when we think about embracing our pain, when everything within us wants to run the other way.

Even though avoidance and distraction can often take up more of our energy, attention and focus, we tell ourselves that ignoring pain is the only way.  

However, it is helpful to remember some points. 

• Acknowledging and allowing ourselves to feel negative emotions isn’t a bad choice. It also isn’t a choice of inaction or wallowing in distress. Accepting these feelings is putting yourself in a position where you recognise that hard and painful things DO happen, and it’s normal to feel sad, frustrated, angry etc. When we allow those emotions, we can recognize them, and then make a choice HOW you respond. This is an act of deliberation, rather than deflection. It is not a passive thing, but one that takes determination.

• If we try to deny how we feel, we can set ourselves up for poor mental health. In deciding that negative emotions aren’t allowed, we are setting patterns of self-criticism and automatic shutdown of anything we don’t believe to be ‘right’. We all know people who have gone through difficulties and loss, and are told by others that they are “so brave” or “so strong”. It’s meant to be a compliment, but labelling people in this way can also make them feel that they aren’t allowed to struggle.

 If we start to believe that we are foolish to experience negative emotions, it has a composite effect for all emotions. Change your thinking from feeling shamed by your emotion to accepting how you feel. 

• When we accept, we move forwards. Most of us realize that knowing ourselves and liking who we are is a massive step towards wellbeing, but we often don’t know how to do it. By repeated practice of noticing when we feel anxious, hurt, tired and so on, we can acknowledge those feelings and then let them pass.

In time, by practicing this pattern of acknowledging negative feelings and them be, we will also realise that we can have times of negative emotions but still be ok. It takes time and patience to reach acceptance, so if you struggle, realise that this is normal, you aren’t doing it wrong, and you will come through the other side - and you will be stronger and more equipped to deal with the sad things that inevitably pop up along life’s journey.