Life with your partner and your respective extended families can be ticking along nicely, but when you introduce children into the mix, the dynamic with relatives can either be amazing, or become a massive challenge. Or a combination of both.

Former behaviors and comments that could previously be brushed off become a much bigger deal, especially when a disparity in parenting approach is more obvious.

What can you do when you feel your parenting is being criticized and challenged?

Be confident in your abilities. There can be an invisible line that you step over - that point in time where you move from relying on the people around you for advice and guidance, to a place of confidence and self-assurance that you do know what you’re doing and the type of person you are trying to raise. As parents, you have the final say, and if things get really bad, you can limit the access certain relatives have. If conversation turns sour, you have the power to change the subject, end that call, or intervene confidently in any interaction between adult and child that is taking an unhappy turn.  

Open your mind.  Maybe the relative in question does know what they are doing. You have the ability to listen, evaluate and decide whether it is something that would benefit your child and your parenting skills. There’s no shame in trying something (as long as it is isn’t harmful, of course) to see if it works or if it doesn’t sit comfortably within your ethos. If it works, then that’s great; if it doesn’t, it was an experiment that you won’t be repeating. 

Educate yourself.  – Be aware of parenting styles and what resonates with you, and know why you do what you do. Again, there is no shame in figuring out what works, and having the long-term goal of parenting a future adult, for example. If you have some hard background facts to form a foundation of your parenting, then it becomes less ‘your opinion versus their opinion’, and more solid research. Your own learned experience can also be a strong teacher. You can present the whys and wherefores, then move on to another topic.

Defend your child and yourself – Occasionally a relative may cross a line that is a non-negotiable; for example, spanking, food, technology, even the words and attitude used. Make your line in the sand known to relatives if they are in a position of caregiving.  It’s also important to establish a united front with your partner, and if it is someone from their direct family, encourage them to be the one to speak up, and not allow you as the non-blood relative to be ‘demonized’.  Don’t demean each other in front of your kids or other family, and make a decision to consult with each other and make a solid ‘plan of attack’ before spending time with those challenging relatives!

Above all, respect is key.