When you (or anyone else you know) are single, it can be easy to associate this with loneliness - but the two things are not mutually exclusive.

Life can bring different stages and experiences, and it may be that some of your closest friends are going through big shifts, be it marriage, parenthood, loss and other seismic changes. Sometimes those shifts can feel impactful when it’s someone you’re close to and you kind of ‘lose them’ for a while. There can also be a lot of guilt in speaking about this - you may feel that you’ll look jealous or are making it all about yourself, but those feelings of loss are a real thing. While your friend hasn’t necessarily done anything wrong, the shift in dynamic can be incredibly hard.

It’s only a short step to feeling that you are lonely because you are single, and all those coupled up friends have it all sorted. Somehow this feels more acceptable than allowing yourself to admit to feeling displaced in your friend’s life. 

However, thoughts that your relationship status is to blame for being lonely is a damaging cycle. It will reflect in your actions and your self-belief, and perhaps propel you towards romantic entanglements for the sake of having one, not because they are healthy. 

We are fed many lines about another person “completing us”, or being your “other half”, and have been for years. The thing is - it’s not true. Loneliness can absolutely be experienced in relationships.  It is part of being human, and if we try to disengage from those feelings, we aren’t being honest with ourselves or our deep needs.

Before running headlong into a relationship, perhaps look at the work that needs to happen internally. This doesn’t mean that you should deny all contacts before you ‘sort yourself out’, because none of us will be perfect, but it does mean being aware of your own feelings and motivations, and working on personal growth at the same time. 

Unhelpful thinking patterns can keep a person stuck in negative actions. 

There is a lot of importance in “social connectedness”. A good relationship can have a bearing on our health, quality of life and overall level of happiness. However, it’s not about having a long tally of friends, and it’s not even about being in an intimate connection with someone - it boils down to having QUALITY relationships. This may be with only a handful of people.

There’s no doubt that loneliness and isolation are big factors in poor mental and physical health, but being entrenched in a toxic and unhealthy relationship does far more damage.

Due to this, it’s important that you do the work of building good, healthy relationships. If there is toxicity in your friendships, have a good look at how they are affecting you, and if they are serving any good purpose. 

If your friendships are sparse, try to think of new ways to meet new people, the kind of people you know will benefit you and be undemanding, instead of being laser-focused and intensely seeking that one heady romantic connection. If it means starting a new hobby or practice, do that instead of adding the next dating app. 

Do it for your own pleasure and interest. Handle it all with a light touch. Grow in your own confidence and love for yourself.  Do it for fun.