You’ve decided that you want to reconnect with people that have been close to you in the past, and considered your motivations and reasons for doing so (see parts one and two). What happens next? 

You may be firmly wearing some rose-tinted spectacles, and have a certain view of that relationship,  but is there any guarantee the other person feels the same way? 

Time has passed, and your opinion of them may have softened just enough for you to feel like you want to reach out…but what happens if they don’t, and are quite happy with the way things currently are?

Also, if you haven’t communicated for some time, you won’t really know where they are in their headspace or in their life. The last 18 months or so have been kind of a big deal, and you won’t have an understanding of how it’s been for them. 

Trying to contact them out of the blue may come at a bad time, they may have commitments, loss to deal with or goals they are working towards, and a message from you may not be as welcome a distraction as you might think.

It’s also worth remembering that some people change. What has mattered before may not matter so much now, and their focus can shift. Re-entering their lives right now might not be part of how they want their life to be any more. 

If they have moved on, it can be painful and confusing. 

Have you also moved on? Do you still see this person the same way, or do you need to admit that you’ve both changed, or that they really weren’t that good for you and you’re really just missing familiarity and connection with anyone?

As mentioned before, it’s easy to confuse missing someone with the idea of missing them. 

Thinking about reconnecting can often highlight the changes within you. Perhaps you’ll realise that while you may have been fully on board with having them around some months ago, their words and actions just won’t cut it anymore - you are actually happy with how things are.

If you are honest with yourself and don’t think you have enough emotional strength or resilience if you get a) a negative response b) a lukewarm response or c) no response at all - don’t try to reestablish contact. It’s time to acknowledge that things may not go as you’d hoped, and you need to be ok with that. 

You’ve got to be in a place where you can emotionally deal with that rejection.

If you are, it might be worth the risk. If you’re not, don’t do it.

Its been a weird time. Perhaps reaching out feels logical and natural, and there may be a chance it could reawaken things, whether that be an intimate relationship or a friendship. Or conversely, you’ll discover that the relationship is dead and buried, and needs to be left alone. 

The risk may be worth it, but as with any risk, you have to be prepared for anything, the good or the bad. Make sure that you really want to, and you have the best reasons for wanting it.

Reaching out may be a redo, a resurrection or a last rites. All of which can be useful on this learning curve called life. Things may not be reborn, you may both actually learn how to let go well instead - and maybe this is really what you need.