What is mindful listening? At its core, it's about paying attention to your partner and focusing on what they have to say.

Listen in order to empathise, don’t be tempted to offer solutions or try to fix things.

Listen in order to create and maintain connection, don’t be tempted to butt in and interject.

Listen in order to understand and acknowledge, don’t be tempted to sit in judgement.

When we mindfully listen, we can relate to each other in empathy, and this in turn covers the relationship in kindness. If we find it hard to get a grasp on empathy as a concept, then it may be easier to consider it as kindness, with what we understand to be kind at the fore: being compassionate, showing genuine concern, being interested in the other person and what they say, setting your own agenda aside, and being supportive. It can be quite easy to forget kindness in our relationships and interactions with others, whether we do it consciously or not; we fall into the “what’s in it for me?” trap quite quickly.

If we can listen without interrupting, we become more presence and draw the other person closer. Remember that body language is a part of this, and if you look bored, distracted or agitated, this will push people away, or send conflicting messages. Take a breath, don’t make assumptions or be too quick to jump in with an opinion. In staying still, allowing the other person to express themselves, you will help the other person feel appreciated and understood, because they will sense that how they feel is valid.

Making eye contact with your partner while sitting face-to-face, and focusing on their facial expressions show that you are attentive and curious about them.

It may be that one or both or you have fallen into the habit of not really listening to one another. Start listening. Start paying attention. Start being switched on to one another.

You will naturally learn to listen (without interruption) if you remain curious and engaged about the other person. Connecting, supporting, and dreaming together is actually very empowering and healing.

Be your significant other’s safe place to land.