RELATIONSHIP TUESDAY: Borderline

Personal boundaries are the limits you set on how people can deal with you you, how they can act around you, and what they can demand from you. 

They are taken from the basis of your basic views, perspectives, thoughts, and values. And these things, in particular, are shaped by your life experience and the social contexts in which you have lived. 

If you're having trouble grasping the idea of safe boundaries, consider some other types of boundaries that may exist in society. Property borders, barriers, lines in the sand, signs warning of crumbling cliff faces, buoys indicating the deep end or dangerous rips in water... do you have any other markers, boundaries, or "stop signs" in your personal life?

If you don't set healthy limits, you'll be at the mercy of others all the time. This means that you encourage others to tell you how you can think, behave, and feel. It also implies that you want to waste your time and energies on what people expect you to do rather than what you really want to do, leading to anger and disappointment in the long run through lack of fulfilment.

Lack of personal boundaries leave you feeling anxious, tired, angry, indecisive and cause imbalance in your relationships. 

Most people who struggle with boundaries struggle with knowing who they are and what they want. This can leave them feeling frustrated, wanting to set personal limits but not knowing which ones to set.  

It may be tempting to get input from people you trust on what limits you can set. However, please be wary - if you lack limits, it’s possible that all of your partnerships are codependent, which means that your friends, family, and/or partner are invested in you keeping them happy. No matter how well-intentioned they are, they may not be able to be honest with you. 

Instead, try someone who can assist you without requiring any emotional connection, such as a counsellor, someone skilled and professional in assisting you to identify your principles and life outlook.