SELFCARE WEDNESDAY: I’m Doing Fine Now
/Mental health is a factor in all of our lives. Even the most upbeat of personalities can have days where getting out of the bed in the morning feels like a more difficult task. Everybody has hard days. For some people, this passes momentarily- but for others the black cloud lingers for a very long time. The thing is, we don’t always know when people are going through a bad time - how often do we hide behind smiles and the ‘I’m fine’ automatic response.
People are great liars. We deflect, we joke, we bury ourselves in tasks and do everything we can to present a solid, cape able and coping front. Every day, all week. As is our custom for years.
Most people take us at face value, accepting the fake front we show, when all it would take is for someone to pull us aside and say ‘I know you’re not ok.’
However, we don’t want to be vulnerable, other people don’t want to be brave, and most of us don’t feel like we want to open up. It’s an inconvenient time, or we aren’t ready to lower those defences. So, we carry on with the ‘I’m fine’ untruth.
In today’s society, we still mask our feelings. Although this is changing, it is not changing fast enough, and there is still some lingering stigma over mental health, because people still feel that they need to lie to hide their struggles. We fear the reaction of others because those conversations don’t happen, and this continues the vicious circle of not wanting to open up. We can be unsure about who we can trust with our feelings, and worry that they will be indiscreet or unsupportive. It’s easy to then return to the thought that it is easier to hide behind the lie.
When we say that we are fine, it will provide a bit of space and the transitory belief that you are ok. However, this can’t be sustained, because you’re not fine.
Speaking about how you are feeling is a sign of strength and honesty, it is not a smart of weakness.
Talking of lies, we have been fed many of them: men, be stoic, emotionless, be an alpha male. Be aggressive. Women, be calm, quite, deferential. You’re too sensitive. You’re best suited in caregiving and domestic activities. If people defy these moulds, they are considered strange or wrong. Yes, things are changing, but these old stereotypes are hard to break.
Showing our emotions is human and is a healthy way of living. We have to normalize this; no matter who you are.
We tend to build walls around hardships and struggles – never to be seen again. This isn’t a healthy way of living; change is hard, but being the person that goes first to say ‘I’m not okay’ shows a remarkable bravery and courage, and gives the gift of going second for those others who are struggling with mental health.
One person can be the difference between someone claiming ‘I’m fine’ and admitting ‘I need help’.
