When conflict does arise, the natural tendency is to defend your own desire.

It's easy to lose sight of the original goal and what you truly love about your partner.

Try this:

Rather than fighting with each other, turn the energy to FIGHTING FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

Complete the exercise below with your partner:

1. Before you start this exercise, STOP.
Take 20-30 minutes apart from each other and spend the time doing something pleasant that will actually take your mind off of the argument for a bit (take a walk, read, work on the car or a hobby, listen to music). Agree to meet back together after the brief break to continue this exercise.
This intentional break slows down your body's natural reaction to confrontation, stabilizes your mind, and improves your ability to communicate more effectively.

2. Notice how you feel toward your partner. What initially drew you to your partner and compelled you towards each other?

3. Describe your commitment to your relationship.

4. What are your goals in this relationship (companionship, friendship, support, loving relationship, or even consider statements from your vows)?

5. Ask each other: How is this argument helping us fight for our relationship?

6. Notice how your responses to these questions have given you choice and power in your relationship. Fight for your relationship. THIS is a fight you can win!