SELFCARE WEDNESDAY: Breaking The Habit
/Are you the kind of person who spends a long time thinking about certain situations or people, what happened, how things might turn out? You’ve maybe become trapped in a rumination cycle.
According to Dictionary.com, rumination is “the act of pondering or musing on something.”
We need to think about things occasionally, of course. For some of us, however, that thinking can tip over into habitually and repeatedly dwelling on our negative thoughts and feelings, focusing on our distress and all the bad things that might happen.
In some cases, we may find ourselves trapped in a cycle where we cannot unhitch from constant self-obsessed bad thoughts at all.
What do ruminators do?
Constantly thinking of what can go wrong and being immobilised by it - “if I do this it’ll all collapse and be a disaster, so I won’t bother.”
Revisiting the past and constantly wondering what would have happened if they’d acted differently.
Becoming hyper-focused on another individual and balancing all of their own feelings and actions on what this person might do.
Being hyper-aware of negative things, e.g. germs, illness, habitual patterns.
People who ruminate can easily be trapped in the push and pull of the past and the future. They tread water between the ‘if only’ and the ‘what if’.
Is ruminating the same as thinking of an issue that we want to solve?
No. If you are looking at a problem in order to work out a solution, that is problem-solving. It is forward-focused and positive-minded. Ruminating, on the other hand, is thinking about thinking, being stuck in the same spot and going in circles.
Brief ruminating isn’t an issue, but when it starts to be ground into a repeated pattern, it can negatively affect mental health.
How to help
Identify your thoughts and understand why you might be feeling that way. Childhood experiences, trauma, sensitivity to others etc. Try to equip yourself with tools that help you understand how you tick - NOT ‘what’s wrong with you’ (negative thinking which can lead you back to the rumination trap), but a self-compassionate look at yourself.
Instead of automatically condemning and asking yourself WHY you did something, change the script to HOW or WHAT: “How will I handle this next time?” “What can I do in this situation?”
We know the quote about assumptions ‘making an ass of you and me.’ Sometimes we don’t know the results and answers - if our thinking is so concrete it can leave us prone to assuming things will go a certain negative way. Don’t assume that X + Y = Z. You may not have all the information. Be more flexible.
Stop overthinking. Yes, it’s ok to think and mindlessness is not what we’re talking about here. However, rumination is going over the same thought with no advancement, and needs a stick in the wheel, an intervention. Seek positive activities that increase your wellbeing - the better you look after yourself, the more positive you will feel about you - this will impact your thinking.
Set good goals. This will shift your focus and give you positive steps and empower you to go forwards instead of staying stuck.
