The ability to ‘gel’ with others and live life in a way where you don’t ‘rub each other the wrong’ way is a life skill based on emotional intelligence.

A person with good emotional intelligence, or EQ, is able to understand what other people may be experiencing and recognise their own emotional process. (A small disclaimer - this blog post isn’t a deep dive into neurodiversity - some people’s emotional processing can be different, so be kind!)

For most of us, once we are aware of the emotional side of relationship, we can individually develop our socio-emotional skills to enhance our communication and make those relationships more fulfilling and bear more fruit.

A large part of raising EQ is being aware of how we send messages non-verbally. It’s impossible to not send these wordless messages about how we think and feel - our muscles are incredibly expressive, especially those around our facial features. A slight downturn of the edges of our mouths, a slightly raised eyebrow or a passing furrowed brow - all serve to give away a ‘tell’ of how we feel. They wordlessly show our emotions and help us read the intent of other people.

The emotional side of our brains is always switched on. We may try to obscure them, it others can usually spot them. If we are aware of the messages we send, it can help on our understanding of one another and what makes us tick in our relationships.

Shared humor can help ease tensions (but remember the golden rule - if it’s not funny for both of you, it’s not funny!). Laughter can puncture bubbles of stress, calm us down and help both people regain perspective. When you are up close to an issue, it can be really hard to step back and see the bigger picture. Play and humor can give that pause, and make you both feel empathetic towards each other again if done in an unforced manner.

Conflict shouldn’t be a no-go area, it is a natural part of the cycle of every relationship, and can be an opportunity to grow closer when dealt with respect. It is impossible to agree on everything, and this doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

The fact that conflict happens isn’t the difficulty, but learning to resolve it healthily is the challenge. If we are emotionally astute enough to view conflict in a constructive way, and are switched on enough to be open to each other’s thoughts and feelings, it removes the perception of conflict being a threat or form of punishment.

Emotional intelligence can encourage a greater freedom and creativity in your relationship when you feel you can trust each other with your feelings.