Whenever resentment is present, there is a tale that goes along with it - you begin to tell a story about how you felt wronged, what happened to you, and the outcome you preferred, rather than the one you ended up with. You recount what really should have occurred instead, and pour fresh pain out.

By putting energy into the story, you keep it moving forward.

It's something we have all done, or continue to do. We've all had situations where we've felt treated unjustly and when people who have treated us badly.

Over time, resentments that are not let go can threaten every facet of our lives.

The reason it's so hard to let go of resentments is that we invest so much time and energy into them. We focus on what (or who) we resent. It’s exhausting and all-consuming.

It can be hard to let go.

Whether it's conscious or unconscious, we have the thought that if we ignore or remove our focus from what hurt us, we will be hurt all over again.

Our resentment seems to form an invisible barrier around us to prevent future pain. But it doesn't work and never will.

Also, resentments can be so hard to let go of because you believe that if you do, you will be absolving the other person of their responsibility for their actions towards you. You may think you're making what the other person did to you okay by letting it go. You think they will begin hurtful behavior again if you let it go. The problem with this thinking is that you end up pushing them away and stunting your ability to show love.

We all know this to be true - a person either wants to change or they don't. No amount of punishing a person by reminding them of what happened will encourage change unless they are sincerely interested in doing so. If it’s someone you want to remain in relationship with, this only serves to exclude them and make them even more resistant to self-awareness and change.

Therefore, do you automatically give people a pass when they wrong you? No, of course not.

As an alternative you can focus on moving forward in an aware and conscious way, being open to what might work (or if it will work) for both of you in the long run.

Essentially, you may not be able to let go of resentments because along the way, the pain has become part of who you are. You have rationalised a feeling of superiority and self-righteousness towards the person who has hurt you, viewing them as somehow “lesser’ than you.

In either a conscious or unconscious manner, you may think that stopping being resentful will remove that sense of “being the better person”. It is possible that you may hold on to your self-righteousness unconsciously, even though it is self-defeating and makes the situation more difficult. You may have adopted the “victim” label, and it has become part of your character, even though it only wears you down and is incredibly unfulfilling and self-destructive.

Resentment automatically goes away (or at least is lessened) when a person does not put any energy into it.

There is no easy way to let go of resentments if you keep replaying what happened, how you were wronged, how much you’ve been hurt and how you’d like the “guilty party” to also suffer.

Resentment and the story you tell about it are like any other living creature. If you feed them, they grow and remain alive. If you stop feeding them, they do not grow anymore and they die. It really is that straightforward.