COMMUNICATION FRIDAY: Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
/When we talk to others, we can sometimes be so solution-focused or have our own agendas that make us take over the conversation in order to get the answers or results we desire. This can have the effect of ‘doormatting’ the other person, making them feel steamrollered and directed in a way they never intended to go.
Pauses and breaks in conversation make many of us feel uncomfortable and we do what we need to relieve our feelings of dis-ease; however these feelings come from a place of fear - we panic if the discussion becomes stilted or we worry that we are permitting behaviour we don’t like.
If we can take a backwards step and provide some space, you might be surprised when the other person opens up and shares something deeper. When we permit conversation to take place in a neutral and calm way, then the situation becomes more natural and allows for openness and vulnerability.
Try not to fill in the gaps. A lot of what we see as awkward silence are actually necessary pauses to process what has been said or what a person wants to say next. A break in the stream of words can provide ground for more honest communication.
Without aiming for a quick ending to the conversation or allowing your mind to drift, pay attention to the message being sent by the other, whether in words, actions or body language.
Be aware that the chat might only be brief, but that may be all that is needed. If the other person becomes aware that you don’t have any specific expectation or agenda, they are more likely to be a lot more authentic in what they say.
Let go of any preconceptions about reactions, resolutions and actions going forward.
So much of communication is overlooked when we think only of what we say and what we want. Hear the other person’s message and accept that you have the ability to listen and accept what happens next, regardless of response you get.
We can reap so much when we listen with an open heart and a spirit of compassion.
