We all communicate in different ways. - with our spouse, our friends, our colleagues, children or strangers we might meet. When we are in relationship with others, sometimes our communication methods can be a bit ‘off’, and we might deal with situations in a destructive rather than a constructive way. What are some ways in which we use destructive communication? We’ll have a look at these over the next few Fridays.

Destructive communication 1 - Always trying to be right.

We all tend to have a part of our personality that wants to come out on top and be right. This tendency can trap couples in a destructive loop of who is wrong and who is right, and this downward spiral traps both in an argument that won’t be broken unless someone chooses to step out of the cycle. If neither wants to give up their ‘right to be right’ then conflicts cannot be resolved.
Of course, if they dynamic is such that one person is ‘always right’ and the other person always concedes, then this is also a different, yet equally toxic dynamic which brings its own issues to be worked through deeply.

In order to give up the need to always be right, each individual needs to look at themselves in an objective way - this is tough and may need help from the likes of a counsellor or therapist.

Taking the first step is admitting that you could possibly be wrong. Even within the conversation, you may not be wrong about ‘the something’, the subject of the disagreement, but we could all also do with having a look at the ‘how’ and ‘why’ we say and do what we do within the conflict; to identify our motivations and to own them.

It’s possible that our reasons aren’t as noble or as healthy as we might think.