As adults, we can sometimes view play as the frivolous domain of children, a luxury only obtained by those who have zero responsibility in life. However, we have to realize that play is no frivolity, it is a vital part of development.

Play in the way the child has chosen, otherwise known as freely chosen or self-directed play, is play that is not controlled or dictated by adults. When a child is allowed to play unfettered by grown-up expectations and restrictions, such as an end goal or learning topic, then the child is ‘firing on all cylinders’ - functions all working at an optimal level. The same goes for the provision of toys - those things that are ‘open-ended’ or can be used in a variety of ways open up the imagination and experience far better than toys which only do one thing, or do all the thinking automatically.

Play freely chosen is when the child makes their own decisions and plays instinctually according to their own interests. In this, there are no right or wrong ways to play - being allowed to try and fail, experiment and express themselves fully are instrumental factors in their development and well-being.

When a child is allowed to self-direct their play, something vital happens: they are presented with opportunities to learn, make, create, solve problems, be a big player and someone who is useful, ingenious and powerful. Taken beyond play, these are all huge characteristics when faced with the inevitable obstacles of life.

If a child is overwhelmed, they won’t meet the full potential of these important skills. Dealing with that overwhelm is negated when they are overloaded with tasks, if their play is controlled rigidly, or in some cases, their ability to play is completely removed from them. Children without free play lose their spark, and their lives can become static, withdrawn and joyless.

Play is therapeutic. It allows a child to create an alternative environment where they can work through their thoughts, experiences, feelings and what worries them - in the same way an adult might talk about issues with a counsellor or trusted friend.

As parents, we need to create an environment where our child has time and space to work through experiences, to deal with overwhelm, and a safe place to deal with what is happening in their lives in a way that they can tolerate - in play.

The child can test out different scenarios through play that they maybe don’t feel able or brave enough to do so in the real situation. This can make a huge difference and help them increase in confidence and realization of how they can help themselves. Play can train their bodies and brains to live in a stronger, more hopeful way when faced with stressful situations in future. Most importantly, your child will be solving problems in a fun, joy-filled manner.

Like anything, going over these situations through play can entrench habits and patterns of thinking that mean your child’s brain is working at its best. They will benefit from the use of power and control in a healthy manner in situations where they have previously felt powerless and helpless. The experience of saying “I did it!” is fundamentally powerful.

Through play, parents and caregivers can connect fully with children and have fun themselves. This support should take the form of taking part without directing what happens. More than ‘things’, children need those intangibles: time, freedom to play, and choice. If we strip them of all decisions, we also strip them of the joy of play.

Through risky, challenging play, children test themselves and find out their own limits. They learn how to deal with risk through play and these skills are transferred into adulthood. We need to encourage kids to stretch and challenge themselves, and let them know that mistakes are how we learn, and they are ok. In doing so, they will discover their own boundaries and limits, and also have FUN.